Human vs Planets
by John Vector Foxfire
Summary: What happens when a young human with bad social skills, a split soul, an anger issue and a cybernetic left eye ends up on Sauria during the Star-Fox Adventures timeline? A crazy adventure filled with Guns, Staffs, swords, Insane Factions, tin-foil hats, bad spaceship flying, Hormone Urges and Metal gear, that's what! Partially based off Man vs Planet by Feuerstoss. rated T for now.


**Human Vs Planet**_**s**_**.**

**Based off "Man Vs Planet" by Feuerstross. Credit goes to him for the idea.**

**This is also a semi-self insert fic, and like Man Vs Planet, "I" won't be some invincible Meta-human who always gets all the girls as it's over used and clichéd, though "I" will have a few skills with certain weapons and vehicles and a few cybernetic components. Expect a Nanosuit to pop up.**

**EDIT: I just scrapped the Nanosuit Idea, and I'm editing this chapter.**

**By the way, we all know for a fact, this is just a story and this is not from real life.**

**Let's go!**

**Chapter one: a rude awakening… on Dinosaur planet?**

I hardly ever dream, the reason being that I never sleep long enough to enter a dream state, and even when I do… I barely remember.

I let out a yelp as my phone played the song I had selected as an alarm, "Revolution Deathsquad" by DragonForce. I grumbled, pushing my face out of my pillow, before selecting "dismiss" on the touch screen. I scratched an itch on my face, before sliding out of the single bunk bed I normally slept in. I glanced around my room, its blue paint slightly calming to the eye.

I was a little pleased when I found and bought this house. It was a suburban house, one with a garage which had a modified GAZ Vodnik parked inside. I let out a sigh as I stepped down the ladder leading up to my bed and glanced at my desk, a small glowing ARC Reactor sitting on a piece of tarp. It was something I was attempting to bring to reality, with some success. I glanced to my phone, before I gained a confused expression. The legend "No Service" was at the top left of the screen. _"Strange…" _I thought, as I tapped the side of the phone. After seeing no change, I gave up, putting my phone in my pocket for safe keeping.

I sighed, before putting on a black hoodie over my white shirt and grabbed a pair of black trousers off its hanger, preparing for work. I glanced at the clock, seeing that it was half past six in the morning. Perfect, I still had time for work. I walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge, taking out two eggs and a few rashers of bacon, then took out a frying pan and placed it on the stove, before firing up the stove and heating up the pan. I then took out a chunk of butter, cut off a slice and slapped it onto the pan, a slight sizzle and a heavenly aroma flowing through the house. Smiling happily, I picked up the eggs, broke their shells and dropped the egg white and yolk into the pan, tossing the shells into the waiting trashcan. After the eggs solidified, I dropped the bacon rashers into the pan and started cooking the meat, slowly waking up from the appetizing smell.

After I was done, I grabbed a plate with two pieces of bread with butter on it and dumped the bacon onto the bread, followed by the eggs. I put the fried meal aside and picked up the pan and held it under the sink, before opening the faucet.

However, instead of a gush of water, a few drops came out, evaporating on the hot pan. "What the? I thought I already paid the utility bills. What's going on?" I muttered to myself. Feeling a sense of nervousness, I moved to the back of the house while carrying the still-hot frying pan.

The moment I opened the back porch door, I gained the shock of my life. Instead of a small concrete wall, houses just beyond the wall, a miniature garden and a large forest just behind the other houses, all that was there was a large cliff right behind the house, along with a large amount of wilderness.

I stared a bit; then slapped myself hard in the face. After seeing that I wasn't dreaming, I backed into the house, face paling. I turned to see that I was in my study. To me it was a sanctum of sorts, with a Windows 8 computer, a surround sound system… It was where I wrote some of my troubles away. Right now though, I was too freaked out to write anything. Even with a sizzling hot frying pan in my hands, I didn't feel safe.

Quick as a flash, I grabbed my M1911A1 pistol with attached Silencer and laser pointer from under my desk. It was one of my nine hidden weapons around my house, my most priced ones being my model 500 and my Karabiner 98 Kurz. I swiftly made my way to the wall next to the door and smashed my fist into the wall, smashing a large hole in it to reveal a Fox Model B 12-gauge Break-open shotgun with its regular and special ammunition hidden behind it. I grabbed my shotgun and loaded it with Dragon's Breath rounds and quickly disengaged the safety.

Now equipped with a loaded shotgun, I stuffed my M1911A1 into my pocket and swiftly moved to the front door. I fumbled with the keys, before I managed to unlock the door.

However, before I could open the door, a large Axe smashed into the thin wood on the other side, causing me to yelp in shock and land on my ass, the frying pan landing on the floor with a loud clang. I quickly got up and opened the remains of my front door.

I barely had any time to react… the two creatures on the other side of the door let out a surprised hiss the moment they saw me. I managed to get a glance at them; they were lizard-like and were green in colour. They wore strange armor and one of them was wielding a battle axe, the other, a large wooden club with metal spikes. They were also about half a head taller than me and were highly muscular. They also looked familiar somewhat, but I was a bit too shocked to recognize them. They snapped out of their shock and raised their weapons to attack. Seeing them brandish their weapons snapped me out of my shocked state.

I dodged the strike as quickly as possible just as the axe-wielding lizard man brought his axe down, destroying the porch tiles in a single strike. It was then that I remembered that I still had my Fox Model B clenched in my hand. I quickly brought up the weapon, aimed it at the back of the Lizard man's head and fired.

The Savage Model B belched out a long stream of fire and magnesium pellets in a tremendous roar of sheer firepower that nearly killed my hearing, but it had the desired effect, the flammable pellets igniting my opponent as well as blasting out its neck and dropping it like a ton of bricks. The other Lizard man turned around to see its companion on the ground with its neck vertebrae blown out. Not taking any chances, I turned to the other Lizard man and fired at point blank, the fiery ammunition destroying the Lizard man's head.

I lowered the shotgun, feeling the adrenaline rush fade away as I did so. Thirty minutes ago, I was sleeping soundly for once, a typical day awaiting me. Now, I have two dead Lizard men on my front porch, a smoking shotgun in my hands and a slight headache. I sighed heavily, as I took the chance to take a look at my surroundings. I had parked my Vodnik in the garage due to the former Russian military vehicle giving other people the wrong idea. It was still there along with the garage, thankfully, but the road, streetlamps, pavement and houses were all gone, being replaced by grass, a lot of trees and rocks. The place looked like it was in a large Valley, a very familiar valley… Hold on a tick…

I glanced down at the mutilated bodies lying on the ground, before turning the one with the burned neck over. Its face (now that it wasn't trying to cut me in half), with the hood, the green skin, they were starting to look more and more familiar… one look at their armor and I recognized them…

"Sharpclaw!? What the flying fuck?!" I shouted in shock, recognizing the main antagonists of the game Star Fox Adventures. I backed away slowly, my empty shotgun still clenched in my trembling hand, as I reentered my house, shocked to the core.

'Am I… Dead? Is this purgatory? What the hell is going on here, why am I in the Star Fox universe?!' I thought while hyperventilating at the same time. I quickly pulled myself together, figuring that if I panicked, I most likely would end up dead. I slapped myself in the face, shook my head a bit and opened my eyes, figuring I'd wake up in bed.

…No such luck, I was still in the same location as before. Somehow, my home was now in Thorntail Hollow, due to the fact that a large Thorntail was currently staring at me and my house. _"How the fuck did I __miss _that_…?"_ I thought as the Thorntail slowly walked away. I then slowly backed into my house, my shotgun still held in my hand. I closed the remainder of the front door and quickly locked it. Even though I knew that it wouldn't stop a Sharpclaw axe, I figured it'd be wise to at least know if they were about to enter.

As soon as the door shut, I sprinted to my study, practically kicking the door open, before finding what I wanted to find. It was a videogame case, meant for the gamecube and one of two games for the gamecube that I have, the other being Metal Arms. The art showed the ever famous Fox Mccloud in his usual outfit in the foreground, an ornate staff in his paws. By his side were Slippy Toad, Peppy Hare, and his Saurian companion, Prince Tricky. Right behind him was the just as, if not more, famous Krystal… the Enigmatic Cerinian that ended up as Fox's fellow wingman and Love interest in the next game... although he kind of blew it all in the game after that.

The Sharpclaw were also shown as well, but they looked more menacing in real-life compared to their game counterparts. I gulped, they scared the fuck out of me when I saw them, and I was armed with a 12-gauge shotgun.

I turned around, a determined expression on my face. If I was going out there, I had to be prepared.

Whether I liked it, or not.

**Read and Review. Let me know what you guys and gals think.**


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